The Jar

 

Gusty winds howled loudly outside while Sonia tossed and turned in bed, trying to weather the storm of emotions churning within her. Her mind drowned in a whirlpool of nostalgia, two years ago, on a similar stormy night, she was on the seventh sky after Ray had professed his love for her. Now the same sky rippled with thunder and lightning.

She stood and gazed at her reflection in the mirror, “Maybe I am not as attractive as before,” she whispered, her warm breath condensing on the mirror surface, blurring her reflection.  She wiped it away, while being swept to another memory…tracing hearts on foggy car windows after a steamy love exchange under the monsoon. How she missed those idyllic trysts!

***

“Sonia it seems you didn’t sleep a wink!”her friend Sarah quipped, “Don’t tell me you have been stalking Ray again.”

“Life is not the same without him. I don’t show interest in doing anything now…we always did every together.”

“Come on Sonia ,it’s been eight freaking months after your breakup!” 

“It’s not easy….I feel incomplete without him by my side!”

“I am going on a date at Mokaz Cafe today! Come along!”Sarah suggested.

“I don’t want to be the third wheel.”

“Don’t worry about that!”

After settling themselves at the table, Sarah leafed through the menu. 

“So what will you order?”

“Won’t you wait for your boyfriend?”

“I said I have a date…I never mentioned it’s with anyone, I go on solo dates all the time.”

“You mean you don’t have any boyfriend?”

“I do. He is out of town. Even when he is here, I go out and do stuff that pleases me. I don’t wait for him to pamper me. When he does it’s a bonus. If he doesn’t, I know that I’ve had my share.”

“How do you do that? Whenever Ray was away from me I used to be mental wreck.  I would call him all the time.”

“That’s the issue…being dependent on him for your happiness. You view yourself through his eyes. Girl it’s your pen and YOUR story, don’t let anyone else write it for you.  Sarah said reaching for the salt jar to season the salad she had ordered.

“See this jar here? Dainty as it is but I can’t tip it over since it’s filled with the salt crystals.”

“Yes obviously.” replied Sonia.

“You approached Ray with an empty jar…he filled it with how HE views you. When he left, the jar toppled over and you were void again.”

“Fill your jar with crystals of self-love…this has to be your foundation before you approach someone to fall in love. You have to love every inch of you, in and out.   You got to build yourself a jar of self-esteem so strong, that it doesn’t crumble by the opinions of others.”

***

“I am beautiful, I am enough, I am strong”, Sonia uttered while dropping coloured marbles in a jar. 

That night she slept through the storm.